1:37 AM

My mind never sits still.

So perhaps it’s my fault that everything we are,

Morphs. 

Reorganizing itself against my skull

Dissected a million times over into nail-sized pieces,

A lab experiment.

I cannot blame you for not taking my word when I say my mind is

Running paint. 

Never ending,

Altering each blank surface with its messy colorful poison.

Though, you cannot say I did not try to warn you.

So tell me again, what am I supposed to feel at this time of the night?

As I merge with the moon in coolness.

When all that I have to keep me warm are the memories of us twitching in and out of my roaring mind,

Lightning.

You breathe yes into my skin.

Setting my senses on fire.

Heightening the voices in my head.

And in that same breath, you whisper no.

Not directly, but against the moving air.

It’s so quiet,

I barely make it out.

I have told you

All I have ever longed for

Is

Certainty.

So you must see that your ambiguities are knives to my brain.

Do I ignore the rage that thunders inside me each time you change your mind?

Am I meant to pretend that your question marks that should be periods don't make me want to scream for help?

My head does not stop thumping,

Blood begins to spill out of my ringing ears.

Medicine cannot relieve my agony.

But I have been honest,

In the only way I know how.

Not with words but with my movements.

You may not hear it, but I am shrieking.

And yet, I am not taken seriously.

You did not believe me when I advised you to approach with caution.

And so you continue with your uncertainty and I bleed out

In silence.

You cannot understand the way I speak.

No one ever does.

So I must simply lay here, wrapped up in those sweet memories that are flames in my chest.

Aching for solid ground.