22 Steps to Straightening Your Hair

*CAUTION* make sure your hair is washed from your scalp to the split ends you most likely will have before beginning.

1. INVEST in a heat protective spray for your hair. The greater the strength, the better it is, but if the bottle's warning label is longer than your grocery list, just back away.

2. Make sure after washing your hair thoroughly to use a microfiber towel that will absorb as much water out of your hair as possible.

3. Spray a leave-in conditioner on your hair to be on the safe side.

4. Use a wide tooth or thin tooth comb to part and comb your hair.  If it is easier to part the Red Sea, you probably should keep brushing.

5. Use a hair dryer or dry your hair so it will be faster and less painful.

6. Brush hair out thoroughly to eliminate as many knots as possible. Be wary. Always remember that you can win a battle with knots but the war is never over.

7. Place your combs and any protection products for your hair directly in front of you for easy access.

8. Put the top of your hair up into a bun so it will not mix in with the hair you will be straightening.

9. Divide the bottom section of your hair to narrow parts for easy access to straighten. Make sure you have done your daily push-ups; you will need to have EXTREME upper body strength to keep your hands up long enough to finish the job.

10. Now use the protection spray to and spray over the section of hair you will be strengthening. Evade the small attack the knots will inevitably wage against you.

11.Plug in the flat iron carefully to the outlet with dry hands, preferably near a mirror. If you hear a buzz and feel a little tingle go through your body, you most likely are about to be electrocuted.

12. Let the flat iron heat up. The ONLY way to know if it's ready is by touching it with your finger. 

13. Apply ointment and bandage finger.

14. Place your comb in the hair and use your other hand to place the flat iron as close as to your roots as possible to begin the process. Make sure you hold the hair firm and straight in the flat iron. 

15. Pull the flat iron over the small section of your hair in one fluid movement. Repeat until hair is straighten. *NOTE, after 50 times if your hair is not straighten, give up.

16. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT move any other motion but straight. If you move jerkily while pulling on the flat iron through your hair, most likely you will leave wiggly lines indented in your hair making you look like Mrs. Frizzle from "The Magic School Bus". You then will NEED to go over the horizontal indented hair several times which may damage your hair.

17. DO NOT be alarmed if you see steam rising from the flat iron, BUT if you hear sizzling-PANIC; in addition, if that small steam turns into a large flame, seek IMMEDIATE help. DANGER! DANGER!

18. Continue to move around your entire head straightening small sections at a time as you go.

19. Examine your work in the mirror throughout the process to make sure you do not miss any sections. This is also the PERFECT time to fix any part of your hair that may look particularly untidy.

20. PLAY with your hair to style it in the way that fits you best.

21. Leave to go to school. Realize it's raining and steps 1 to 20 were a COMPLETE waste of time.

22. REMEMBER TO WATCH THE WEATHER REPORT!*CAUTION* make sure your hair is washed from your scalp to the split ends you most likely will have before beginning.

1. INVEST in a heat protective spray for your hair. The greater the strength, the better it is, but if the bottle's warning label is longer than your grocery list, just back away.

2. Make sure after washing your hair thoroughly to use a microfiber towel that will absorb as much water out of your hair as possible.

3. Spray a leave-in conditioner on your hair to be on the safe side.

4. Use a wide tooth or thin tooth comb to part and comb your hair.  If it is easier to part the Red Sea, you probably should keep brushing.

5. Use a hair dryer or dry your hair so it will be faster and less painful.

6. Brush hair out thoroughly to eliminate as many knots as possible. Be wary. Always remember that you can win a battle with knots but the war is never over.

7. Place your combs and any protection products for your hair directly in front of you for easy access.

8. Put the top of your hair up into a bun so it will not mix in with the hair you will be straightening.

9. Divide the bottom section of your hair to narrow parts for easy access to straighten. Make sure you have done your daily push-ups; you will need to have EXTREME upper body strength to keep your hands up long enough to finish the job.

10. Now use the protection spray to and spray over the section of hair you will be strengthening. Evade the small attack the knots will inevitably wage against you.

11.Plug in the flat iron carefully to the outlet with dry hands, preferably near a mirror. If you hear a buzz and feel a little tingle go through your body, you most likely are about to be electrocuted.

12. Let the flat iron heat up. The ONLY way to know if it's ready is by touching it with your finger. 

13. Apply ointment and bandage finger.

14. Place your comb in the hair and use your other hand to place the flat iron as close as to your roots as possible to begin the process. Make sure you hold the hair firm and straight in the flat iron. 

15. Pull the flat iron over the small section of your hair in one fluid movement. Repeat until hair is straighten. *NOTE, after 50 times if your hair is not straighten, give up.

16. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT move any other motion but straight. If you move jerkily while pulling on the flat iron through your hair, most likely you will leave wiggly lines indented in your hair making you look like Mrs. Frizzle from "The Magic School Bus". You then will NEED to go over the horizontal indented hair several times which may damage your hair.

17. DO NOT be alarmed if you see steam rising from the flat iron, BUT if you hear sizzling-PANIC; in addition, if that small steam turns into a large flame, seek IMMEDIATE help. DANGER! DANGER!

18. Continue to move around your entire head straightening small sections at a time as you go.

19. Examine your work in the mirror throughout the process to make sure you do not miss any sections. This is also the PERFECT time to fix any part of your hair that may look particularly untidy.

20. PLAY with your hair to style it in the way that fits you best.

21. Leave to go to school. Realize it's raining and steps 1 to 20 were a COMPLETE waste of time.

22. REMEMBER TO WATCH THE WEATHER REPORT!