2:30 am Heartbreak
My bones are led
Weighing me down
Onto this bed
That isn’t swallowing me
Fast enough
And in my head
Too many things
Too many thoughts
Are pouring in
Desperate to be heard
Desperate to be understood
So my mind writes
It writes this poem
To make sense of
My metallic, weighing bones
And this growing feeling
In my chest
That is discomforting
That’s terrifying
Because this feeling is new
This feeling is different
And sometimes
I’m wondering if I’m feeling
You
Feeling your sadness
Feeling your breaking
Feeling your sickness
Because my soul
It starts feeling dizzy
It starts feeling nauseous
And if possible
I feel it collapse
On the floor of my ribs
Above my stomach
And vomits
Vomits the sickness
Vomits the blackness
That runs through your veins
And into your heart
Mind and soul
The sickness
That is scaring me
But maybe
It is my own
My own virus
That snuck in
While I allowed myself
To be vulnerable
When I dropped
My fucking guard
And allowed myself
To foolishness hope
For a chance to grow
Into some
Beautiful oak
Or some other fucking tree
That will make this sound
Like real poetry
Poetry
Poetry
Fucking poetry
I connect it to you
I connect those thoughts to you
And I’m laying here
Trying to move on
Trying to grant myself
Something nice
Something easy
Something not so
Complicated
Someone who is sweet
Someone who smiles
Someone who compliments
Someone who is interested
But they speak poetry
In different ways than you
But still there is an echo
Of you in the back of my head
That I can hear your voice
In theirs as their words flow
And I’m cursing myself
Down to my bones
Because I am death
I am death of love
I am the princess of lust
I am addicted to moving on
Addicted to being new
Addicted to trying to
Get over whoever
My heart is stuck on
And the poor soul
Fuck
The poor victim
That listens to my song
The siren I told you I was
Outside of the boat
We sat in
This siren sang
And I’ll tell you honey
I made a catch
But I’m singing
And my voice will crack
And I’ll shake it off
With a smile and a mask
And in my head
That little voice comments
How you would’ve noticed
My furrowed eyebrows
You would read me in a second
Faster than they do
That all of a sudden
In this sailor
I’m looking for you
And I fucking hate myself
For doing that
Because I’m trying
I’m trying so hard
To convince myself
To remind myself
That if I mattered
In some fashion or another
That maybe, just maybe
I wouldn’t have
To work so hard
To get your attention
Because I used to feed
On your affection
I started to
Thrive
Because of you
Because of the person
I wanted to become
And I don’t want to be
Dependent
Because now
I don’t even get
An explanation
For your cancelation
When I know
If your feelings were true
You would’ve said
“I’m sorry,
I can’t
I’m too exhausted
To pull through”
And I would’ve understood
But instead
I’m hearing more and more
Silence
And I’m screaming
Into the abyss
That is you
With my mouth taped shut
As tears scratch my cheeks
Because you don’t deserve
Another single word
And I thought I would be better
Today
That today was progress
And maybe it is
Because this pain
It’ll motivate me
To rip away
Anything
That is
You
I started looking at
Our pictures
And a thought fluttered
Of being rid of them
Being rid
Of you