3 years ago I came back

3 years ago I came back home,
             unable to function on my own.
        My mother nursed me to my sicker state,
                              ......where illness led to a homebound fate.

 

        2 years ago my brother carried me from room to room.
                           My father drove our family an entire day and night, 
                                        to an specialized hospital
                                                          .....to see why I wasn’t acting quite right.

                        1 year ago today my doctors finalized my tests. 
                                  They told me I was well... enough, 
                                          so I could return to school-  if I so wished.
                                                     I was filled with both fear and excitement,
                                                                      I was scared- 
                                                                                      .....but not enough to hide.


 I hesitated to return-
my body had been through hell and back
 with visible evidence of the ride.
I knew that I would be judged
                                                                      ....and people wouldn't see 'what's inside.'

What would people think?! 
I was terrified to cross paths with someone from my past
I’d left with a slender figure- 
where clothes would always fit just ‘right.’
But since I’d left?
 I gained
                                      ....chipmunk cheeks, 
                                                     .....bootylicious curves,
                                                                  ......and swollen feet.

 
 My journey had been so long--
The distance I traveled?
                      ..... 75lbs gained
                     .....50 lost.
5 months in a wheelchair... 6 out
                                                                       ... hours of physical therapy made me strong

 

                     1 month ago I returned from a semester abroad 
                              My time there I walked most every day
                                           ......though I still could not jog.
                                     But I was able to see a part of the world, 
                                               with a view that most never truly hold- 
                                                      ....I left with no feeling of ‘I wish I'd done more!’
                                               Because I knew each day, I was blessed
                                                                 ....if only my feet could touch the floor.

 

                    1 day ago Pain knocked on my door once more. 
                               ....It brought with it a large serving of apathy.
                                    But then I looked at an old picture,
                                                     .....on my phone
                                          What once was my reflection is now a concept
                                                     impossible to conceive...
                                                                    My eyes looked the same, 
                                                                           ........the nose,
                                                                                                ......and the teeth.


                                  I know my past is my own,
                                                                                    ...though it feels like a tale of fiction.
                                  But even the worst of tragedies
                                                                                          could not express the misery of my affliction.
                                    Yet tomorrow I look ahead,
                                                                                       ......the pain is no longer my home. 
                                          These scars that still brand me 
                                                                                                      .....are reminders for what I now know.

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