301 Shining

Neon signs burn ghostly greens, blues, reds into the retina Signs blink on and on and on: open, not, open, not A face haunts like the image just out of clear sight A face. His face. Shining. I smile, he laughs. His laugh starts hearts like a hunted rabbit down the hole into wonderland He does not know. He will never know. He does not care to know. He sees only what he cannot have, heart fixed on an unobtainable girl Shining. Never I So he cannot glimpse the shining glinting glass skyscrapers of possibility and longing and imagination in my heart shatter into millions of dagger-edge pieces that run rampant through my body,
seeking only to hurt Was it I? My body? Face? Hair? Aura? 
Too fat, thin, tall, small, too wrong, too imperfect. 
Too dull, too much a wallflower
 Starts here the dull ache inside Why care, why love, why think about one person, a thousand people, a million? Inhale, exhale. Do not move. It will hurt more and more and suddenly halt in a great gasping sob hidden from all Who can understand? I do not understand. Who can understand one who cannot understand themselves? Who, then, can love one like I, who cannot see inside? 
Who hates the outward, curses the inward? Who, then, can see me for who I am, if I do not see myself? Stare into the mirror of eyes
 Shining. 
Look.Truly look. 
Shining. Flip a coin ten times. 
Guess and postulate and wonder what the outcome will be. With best guess in hand, you may be right, you may be wrong. Dare to allow, to allow a shimmer. It’s there. Dare to be singular, individual. 
People come, people go. We are . . . blessed . . . Hurt. Hurt and sadness. They combine. 
They give heart direction to grow,
 To become.