3/14/13

i haven't felt like myself in months,

i can't do this.

i'm tired of being nothing more than a soul,

with a body i don't even know anymore.

i can't do this.

i'm sick of feeling emotions i don't understand,

i don't want to continue not being who i am.

i can't do this.

i'm feeling weak cause i felt this week,

as in this week got to me.

but i can't do this.

it was somehow able to morph into something real,

weeks aren't supposed to be tangible, that was the deal.

the deal i assumed was made when humans were placed on this earth,

otherwise feeling weak after every week would surely be my curse.

i just can't do this.

i mean, nothing will ever be able to compare,

to the exhaustion of forcing a smile that shouldn't even be there.

y'all don't care.

& i can't do this.

i've had it of learning my lesson,

i've read through every book, been blessed by every blessing.

i just can't do this.

nothing ever seems to lessen,

like the amount of times i give a second chance,

or the amount of times i'm let down.

i don't want to do this.

i won't be the person who gets sucked in by her circumstances,

but i no longer can be the person who is hurt by these never ending chances.

i can't do this.

love & hurt are my strongest emotions.

if i show no love, i feel no hurt in the end.

y'all probably don't even comprehend.

i can't do this.

y'all must not know.

not know how it feels when your heart cries,

or how real it feels to feel your soul die.

while all you can do is stay up day after day,

in bed you just lie.

laying ever so still because during this moment in time,

you feel it all.

i can't do this.

the world feels so heavy on my shoulders,

i can't do this.

but.. to live in a world without love to avoid hurt,

i can't do this.

so i guess i'll have to suffer through this.

cause even though i like my pictures black & white,

i like my world in emotions full of color.

i want to be mad & feel redder than a stop light.

i want to be sad & feel a hurt so blue,

that it happens so quick like the way a lighter ignites.

i want to be tired & feel the sky's dark night.

but i also want to feel happy as i breath this fresh air in my lungs,

or i see the bright yellow sun rise.

i want to appreciate what the world has become.

i want to appreciate the nights my world weighs a ton.

so i'll just suffer through this.

cause even when i think i can't do this,

i pray that one day, i realize i'm wrong.

i have to remember it can only storm these hurting colors for so long,

before the smallest shine of the loveliest color shines strong.

until then, i'll live life long.

hopefully one day, i'll find i feel where i belong.