35 cuts

1.    As soon as I was born I was surrounded by love 

2.    It was a blanket of warmth, but,

3.    Soon the wind would discourage this love

4.    And I would be left cold again.

5.    As I grew older I never knew the challenges I would face

6.    Or that I would be left alone at such a young age.

7.    Coming like a thief in the night, to take my life not actual possessions.

8.    Not treated with the love that I deserved.

9.    This thief was supposed to fulfill my desire.

10.   Its heart was not capable 

11.  The kindness it might have possessed was replaced with hatred.

12.  I disconnected 

13.  I was a façade, not really me.

14.  looking tough on the outside----- broken on the inside.

15.  Sometimes I broke on the outside too.

16.   It saw this

17.   It claimed I was delusional

18.  I may have been but I wasn’t going to let it win.

19.  I fought a fight and a fight I would win but victory would be too far away to see

20.  So I gave in.

21.  I had suicidal tendencies.

22.  tendencies grow much harsher than imaginable. 

23.  They grew to the point where I could not stop the pain without bleeding.

24.  I was hospitalized too many times to count 

25.  W]hen I would leave they would command: “Don’t do it again or it will be your last time.”

26.  I never knew how serious a cut could be--- 

27.  until my friend had a cut too big for the doctors to save her

28.  I never knew how much love I contained until…  

29.  I thought I was a lost cause but I wasn’t yet

30.  I realized the rut that I had got myself stuck in was almost too deep to dig out

31.  Even though the doctors couldn’t save her life I knew I could save mine

32.  I marched to my victory to save my own life.

33.  My smile grew and made people happy. 

34.  I no longer have a facade and I no longer need the cuts

35.  I am stronger and the people who walk in my shoes are too.