4 letter word

The 4 letter word

My mouth went dry
My heart did a steady beat
Not out of shock or pain but out of discomfort  
My mind had many foul thoughts but my heart wouldn't let me speak
My heart was the angel but my mind was the evil
He said he loved me
My body
My soul
My mind
He said he loved me
But you can only love someone if you truly have given up something and I gave up nothing
I didn't give him my body
My soul
My mind
I gave him  glimpses of a masterpiece
A picture of something beautiful yet complicated
He still said I love you
He's not in love with me he's in love with the idea of me
I haven't showed any kind of  interest
No love
No hate
No joy
The love he's feeling isn't love it's passion it's lust
I'm a piece of fruit that's hard to catch
A flower that's not easily blossomed
Something that's rare and not easily forgotten
He's in love with idea of what could have been
He's in love like that kitty love
Something that's temporary
To help him feel good about himself
To comfort his loneliness at night
Why say you love me when you don't even love yourself
He still said I'm in love with you
I said I have no interest
Because I know when I utter that 4 letter word
I gave up something for you
Not because I just have a passion for you
I will say that four letter word when I've shared my body
My mind
My soul
With my future, my past and my present with my other half
Then I won't hesitate to say I love you