40 SECONDS

I'm still afriad to open my eyes underwater

But it wasn't always like that.

My heart still races everytime I see a surfboard

But it wasn't always like that.

Every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and smile,

But it wasn't always like that...

People tell me how strong I am.

People tell me that I am a fighter.

But what if I don't feel I live up to those expectations?

-There was a time when I didn't.

There was a time when I couldn't face the mirror in the morning.

There was a time when I actually WANTED to see myself in the mirror but my body, wouldn't let me move...

So I made myself believe that my reflection wasn't worth the effort.

There was a time when I almost gave up. ALMOST.

There was a time when I tried to forget 40seconds of my life.

There was a time when I ignored reality, because it was too painful to think about...

I lived my past like 'out of body experiences' where I'd watch myself lay on that sofa,

Tears rushing down my face but no soul in my eyes.

The pain flooding through my body, consuming every inch of it....

but I didn't seem to care anymore.

It was daily routine.

40seconds.

It all happened in 40seconds.

40seconds made flinch every time I saw the sea for the following 15 months.

40seconds made me cry myself to sleep every other night.

40seconds made me wake up every morning, look in the mirror and convince myself that I was a new person...

Before realizing that the old me was still in there. Somewhere.

Trying to break through the cracks left in my hope.

40seconds made me write this poem, today,

40 seconds make the fighter I am.

And although I have no visible scars to prove it,

I am strong

I am a fighter

I am alive.

Those 40seconds could have been my last,

But I am here,

I am breathing

I am alive.

40seconds can't define a person. Or can they?