56

my hair is everywhere

& i can't breathe again

for drawing parallels between then & now

then -

cold & frantic

&

i had forgotten how it feels when your heart stops

i had forgotten the lust for an empty, quiet room

with whale sounds rippling the silence

of locked doors

now -

i am so much warmer,

& i can hear the whales when i close my eyes

but sometimes when they're open

on days i can't blink

it's almost worse

because there is a quiet room with locked doors but

i am standing outside

in a world of locked doors i am sucked in

by the gravitational pull of something else,

something louder

but i can send signals in the stars and

i can knock on all of the locked doors

let me in, let me in

i'm getting cold again out here

without a coat