7 Months (Too Risky)

I knew what I'd gotten myself into. I knew that it would be risky and a little hard. We were just talking - it's nothing more; nothing inappropriate in any way. People tried to warn me and tried to get me to see the reality of a 5-year age gap and more life experiences. They warned me about abuse and manipulation. I fell for him, and unfortunately, I fell too hard, too fast. I am in too deep, and I am fully aware of that. 7 months.....7 months of random convos, thousands of messages, picking outfits, etc. 7 months of feeling like I could be more open. 7 months of waiting. 7 months......and eventually I found out the truth that shattered my heart into pieces. Finding out that they had a girlfriend and things were serious. 7 months of waiting for someone who had no intention of pursuing. 7 months of signs, indications given off the wrong way. I'm not sure if my heart can ever love again because this moment...this last moment was the moment where everything inside me just shattered into pieces. I should've listened to those around me...warning me to be careful, to just stay friends and nothing more. I have never waited 7 months for someone.....but I should've learned that I would just get my heart broken again. After 7 months, and then one day I find out, and then I am lied to over text when I asked about it, but I already knew the truth; I just wanted them to say it out loud. I gave countless chances, and I gave space; I took accountability on my part for what I did, and that my actions were unexcusable. I thought that I would at least gotten some closure from just a conversation, but that closure never came. Now I am still here, trying to piece back together all the broken pieces and trying to move on from this heartbreak. - even in this, I will continue to pray, care, and love this person just as we are called to do as brothers and sisters in Christ.