About M
I wanted all your jagged edges
The pieces left splintered by your past
I approached you with no gloves
Knowing the consequences
With no regard for myself
Because wounds from the past
Had left me callused
And I was ready for you
All your insecurities
The man beneath the walls you’ve built
Maybe you’re a little too much like my Dad
A little too much like the men from my past
Maybe you seem nice but
They seemed nice too
And look where nice got me
Self-destructive
I search for ends in my beginnings
I run backwards to find the things that should remain lost
I pick the scabs until they gush blood
And I don’t know who could handle a girl like that
Because I can hardly handle it myself
It’s come to the point where neither of us owe any apologies
And all the fights seem like distant memories
The good times don’t feel like just yesterday
Tomorrow doesn’t feel like a lifetime
Once longing, our stares now feel like indifference
My thoughts of you are far and few between
And what’s there to say anyway?
We get to the point we said we’d never reach
Where goodbye is less exhausting than I love you
And I wonder if-
Upon seeing you-
My heart would sink
Or burst into flames
Or beat on, unscathed
Will it beat a little faster
Recalling the times your mere presence made it skip a beat
Competing with the butterflies in my stomach
Silencing the better judgment in my mind
Offering itself to you
Will my memory retain the tears
Or recall our late night conversations
Lunch dates and movies and breakfast in bed
Our hands intertwined
Kisses on the forehead, the nose, the cheeks…
Will I wake up in ten years next to another man
Look at smiling pictures in pretty frames on my windowsill and wish
Forgive your stubborn nature
Regret my harsh words
Or will I simply forget your name