Absence of Happiness

Bloodshot eyes saw a bloodshot world;

Where little mattered and even less than that tried to matter.

The agonizingly bright days moved in a blur

To blessedly dark nights that allowed for vacant swathes of sleep

Where nothing but darkness and peace were

Even that soon became corrupted by the horrors of a cruel world

That had little regard for its inhabitants and wringed out the joy from them like

One would twist and turn a threadbare rag.

Life seemingly stopped moving altogether,

As if it was a child’s favorite movie that they paused to answer a working mother’s call.

Whoever had said things would get better in this world was a liar, as well as naïve.

They saw the world as an ocean that had peaks of utter bliss and tranquility

And valleys of the darkest horrors and fears.

They, however, did not see life as the doldrums it was.

Some found peace in a greater being;

Some sort of God, Allah, Jehovah or any number of gods

In some grand temple that people throw faith into

In such a haphazard and dangerous way

That it mimics a dying bonfire that lived and on kindle alone.

Others searched for peace at the bottom of long glasses

That loosened any kind of grip they had on the cruel world

That forced them into a binder of sorrow that fed itself

Up until the peace of a dreamless slumber welcomed them.

Few others longed for purpose in knowledge;

Becoming scholars and scientists of great repute.

So that the world became less frightening and more factual.

This only brought so much content, for the world is a well;

A well that is so deep, yet shallow,

So very dark, yet bright.

It swallows men whole

And impregnates thoughts of madness and depression in them

As if they were seeds in a rich and fertile field.

Bloodshot eyes see a bloodshot world;

Where no one mattered and not a thing in this world tried to matter.

Days burned ever brighter and the dark only ever gets darker…

Whoever said things would get better in this world lied…

Until you.

You told me things would get better.

Even if you hardly believed it.

And they did.

But the doldrums have small peaks, and I thought little of it.

But they stayed better

I tried to dive back into the warm despair

Over and over and over again.

But you held my struggling body above the water that you’ve grown accustomed to.

We were drowning, but we were drowning together.

Even the worst enemy in a dire situation will become the closest of friends,

But you weren’t an enemy.

So there was still none of the real joy for a while, but I loved you.

 I was broken, battered, bruised, beaten, and bled dry,

Yet you stayed.

You asked for nothing in return but stayed,

Armed with a smile and a laugh,

And stood strong even though pain was pounding your door

Just as much as mine.

The pain that forced you to be strong

Against this bloodshot world of horror

That seemingly was relentless and undying,

Pained me when I stumbled upon it.

My bloodshot eyes wept foreign tears that fell on dry, cracked lips.

I forced you to speak of the hurtful things that stabbed at your heart for years.

I’m sorry I did what I did but I could not help it; I loved you and always will.

I still have bloodshot eyes,

And the world still hurts sometimes,

But all of that was a long time ago.

I am still here, and so are you.

That’s something I can promise.

I promise that happiness will no longer be a foreign concept to me.

Happiness is not absent anymore.

I have found it.

Happiness is You.