Absentness

Sometimes I wish I never stayed at my aunt’s home

That I went back home after the first summe

Maybe my life would’ve been different

I would’ve grown up by my best friends side

And everything would’ve been okay

 Well I tried to convince myself this is true

But the truth is my dad’s patterns would’ve made things worse

  My escape of my fathers       

 Excessive runs to the store for a six pack of beer,

               the tv dinners he would heat in the microwave,

         Or the constant bullying from classmates would reappear 

           As soon as I stepped through the dark brown doors 

    At our newly bought home

I visited him for christmas after being away for a couple of months

I tried to act like everything was okay

But it wasn’t the same anymore

I didn’t see him the same way I did when I was seven

Seven year old me thought he was amazing

I lived with him for four years

I haven't lived with him for four years…

He never reaches out for Thanksgiving and Christmas  or 

Calls to say happy birthday

         Part of me wishes he cared more about me

That he would put more effort into raising his daughter

But when I asked to stay with my aunt he didn’t push back 

       Part of me thinks he just didn’t want to get social services involved.