Abuse

People ask me if I am okay

How is one supposed to respond

Especially when they feel weak

Talking about it recently

Memories are brought back

Sleep

What is sleep?

It’s hard to have eyes closed

Receiving unwanted flashbacks

Age, twelve

Only a child

Inexperienced

Meeting someone

The idea of trust is low

Especially the opposite sex

We met

It would have been a mistake

For all the pain he caused me

But I had no one to talk to

I knew I should not talk to strangers

Especially if there is an eight-year age gap

Summer

He moved in with my parents and me

He pushed me

Against the sink

I felt a new pain

For later it would experience again

Nothing happened for a few days

He had a plan

He wanted something

He got what he wanted

Used force to get

To get what he wanted

I thought I liked it

He showed little attention

I was his slave

He wanted to try something

I performed how I was expected to

I tried to keep him happy

His happiness meant more than mine

This continued

Even when he moved out

It ended only a year or two ago

He caused me pain

Physically

Mentally

Emotionally

What he did to me

It would cause me to have pain

To have depression

It changed the way I dated

For every guy expected the same

We stopped talking

I thought I could start over

Start Anew

When I started to

He messaged me

His opinion had changed

What he wanted had changed

He wanted riskier

I was blackmailed into it

I hate myself

Not saying anything

Has ruined my life

I cannot trust anyone

Millions of other people

Go through what I did

​

Four years later

Finally getting help

But it might already be too late

Sleep

What is sleep?

I can’t remember.

All I can remember is what he did to me.