Academia
There are times in this bed when I can't catch the slumber I need. I need to make my mind stop racing, stop reviewing, stop figuring things out at this hour. I get it brain. If I wouldn't have let my procrastination and anxiety take over two years ago, and one year ago and a few months ago, I'd be in a better position. But there's nothing I can do about it now. I flunked my first year, improved some but not enough my second, and halfway through third I have to explain why I'm still making Cs regardless of the plus or minus. I'm embarrassed that my undergraduate years have been plagued with failures. All I can tell anyone is that I'm trying to get out of this colossal hole I put myself in. But by the looks of my transcript, I haven't tried hard enough. This exact shit keeps me up at night. I know this is a process but coming back every few months to a place that I don't want to be to face the same fucking problems chips at my resolve. I guess this is adulthood though. Feeling like you're getting a blow to the chest repeatedly and fighting to move past the fist. Or foot. Or 2 by 4. I just have to find a way to get some sleep. That's the only thing I want to tackle right now.
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emw20
I'm trying to better myself the best way I know how, through poetry and prayer. I'm still working on both.
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