Accepting My Authenticity

Authentic isn't something I would necessarily describe myself as.

Because I go throughout the day with a mask on my face

Waiting for someone just to create the pace

Of life that doesn't judge, doesn't hate.

I can't take it anymore.

The feeling I have in my chest

Tightens like ropes around my wrists pulling me,

Drowning me.

I don’t care anymore.

This depression is eating me up.

Because I can not live like this,

In secret, in hiding, under a rock.

My five year old self crumpled in the corner afraid of the dark.

Its not like I'm rotting.

Its like I'm not… me.

Me.

Me.

Me is something that nobody knows.

Me is a person that doesn't come out.

Me is a depressed hopeless romantic,

That just wants to be happy for once in her life.

Me does not want to be judged by her family, or her friends, or herself.

Me suffers from life, from heartbreak,

And me doesn't know what to do about it anymore.

I cry and cry and cry,

Until crying is all that my body can concentrate on.

I want to me let out of the bird cage I've been locked in for the last 19 years.

I want to be set free so I can fly, 

And be happy,

And not feel the weight of burdens 

On my soul,

It drags down.

Farther than I thought because I've gone way to far to turn back but I know I can see the light,

Its just around the corner. 

The corner, 

Its far but close at the same time.

I know I can get there,

But its like someone is dragging me by my ankles backwards,

Not letting go.

My life is all that I have and I have to fight,

Fight to keep it,

Not from people but from myself,

Because depression is something I have to accept.

Its something that I have to learn people will judge me on,

But i don’t care.

Because, 

Its me.

Me is something that nobody knows

Me is a person that doesn't come out,

And me is a depressed hopeless romantic that just wants to be happy for once in her life.