Actor Neutral

I am taught 

To be a great actor

Is to be the ultimate blank canvas:

Quick to change,

Slow to object,

Never to feel or worse,

Be offended or defend myself.

I am taught

To give up all personal beliefs and insecurities.

This teaching is accidental-

Of that I am positive.

Even so, 

It is true.

It is taught.

And I have learned.

But I want to know that I am real.

I am a person not a character.

Not fabricated from a stranger’s fantasy

But molded, crafted, perfected over time.

A life time. My life time.

Of feeling my feelings. 

My emotions.

That are not wrong.

That are not out of place.

My entire being swells

With an uncontrollable pressure.

That refuses to be ignored 

That refuses to be suppressed.

I am being taught

To care about my image and my individuality

Is to be vain and proud.

The ultimate sin.

But I want to know that I am special.

That I am unique.

That I am not a character in a play.

I am not a song to be forgotten.

I am here.

I am real.

I am not neutral.