Addicted

Normally, I'd never admit it

Not to myself

Not to anyone

But I have to get this out of my system

I'm still not over her yet

The one who was there when I lost someone closer

It was love instantly

And I've never understood

Truth is,

I've never been able to get over her

I've never been ready

To give my heart to someone else

But now that I've lost someone

From doing the same thing

That she did to me

All the secrets

All the lies

All the deceit

I let myself fall in love

Not with the people

But with temptation

With the thrill Adrenaline rush

That's what it really was

Then because of the one who stood in front of me

Things flipped the script

I wasn't prepared for a love like this

I wasn't game for falling

Game for being caught up

Game for being part of it

The main prize  in it

Now it's something I had to deal with

The guilt that stains my soul

Not because of who I am

But because of who I was

The love I felt for someone

Who was always there

But never for me

Who was for ever there

But never stayed

Left me stranded

Almost helpless

Until I realized

How I could use it

Against myself

To strenghten myself

But I ended up hurting myself

It was like cutting myself

Dividing myself

Amongst the individuals

Who could have made me happy

But I made miserable

Caused pain, hurt and anguish

Took for granted

Not only am I stained

I look in the mirror

And see a soul darker

Than the most ink filled midnight

And the worst part is

I'm addicted to the twinge

I've been bingeing all this time

Like a sweat filled night

Under the covers

Intimacy between lovers

I can't get enough of it

Nothing to top that first high

That sent me soaring

Past the greatest of heights

If nothing compares

Why do I keep trying

Why not be happy with someone

With someone I know, trust, and love

Because there will always be that fear

That someone's gonna judge

But I got to get over it

Or I'll always be stuck in this cycle

Withdrawal, to find more

To get high

But no one sees love as a drug