Addiction of mine

I have an adiction, It's not a normal adiction Because unlike most adictions It's not about always having something It's about always having nothing It's about needing something so normal But not letting myself have it It's about the control that I have over everything My addiction is about craving something, but not letting me have it Cause what good will come from giving into a craving It's hard to admit But the truth is I'm such a hypocrithe Because I'd rather hurt, than let you see