Addictive Flame

It wasn’t me by myself in the backseat of your car.
I wasn’t alone,
Though now the memory feels cold and lonely.
You’ve erased it from your thoughts
Somehow removing yourself from the past
Becoming a version of you that I don’t know anymore.

It wasn’t just my lips against yours 
As was your skin against mine.
My pulse slowing to match the pace of your breathing.
My eyes a reflection of your smile
Because I could see nothing else.
The best music I had ever heard
Was the rhythm of your laughter
And how your chest rose with each gasp for air.
It wasn’t just me.

I hooked on you like nicotine
A stimulant that gave me relaxation
And left me forgetting my troubles for a while.
You became my cigarette,
Poised as you rose to brush my lips and save me from myself.

But like smoke you evaporated quickly
And left me wanting more
Trying to catch the particles of you that were left behind
Though I always came up empty.

My memories no longer comfort me,
My mind is no longer at ease.
You became the security blanket that smothered my fire 
Because I no longer needed it to keep me warm
With you to wrap around myself and bury my face in your soft skin.

Like the universe trying to correct a mistake it made
You fell through the crack
And time stopped passing me
Though it went on at lightening speed for you.
I have no fire
No blanket
To keep me warm.

No nicotine to cure my sadness
No throbbing heart to enter through my pores.
My brain instead throbs from all of the pressure.
The tears cleanse my face raw
My eyes red like the passion of the flame that went out so quickly
And left me sitting in the dark.

I’m striking matches again,
Attempting to relight the flame within myself.
But for now
I shall sit in the cold darkness
Alone and left with my memories
That have long been forgotten by you.