In admiration of

In admiration of my,

Post worries, of my, 

Pre successes, of my,

Readiness to achieve, I speak out- 

Downtrodden by the tragedies, and,

Blanket statements of a world, 

A world that emphasizes a trifling, 

And unsettling image, and standard,

At which we hold our people's too- 

A world that boils up anxieties, 

And a piety that no one really understands, 

I've been broken and beat down, with my, 

Own mind,

Through times, 

Of unimaginable loneliness, I've, 

Concocted this image of myself, 

Of my experiences, my mind, 

Turns these simple happenings into,

Mountains that I cannot climb, I've 

I've racked my brain for an answer,

But it has given me these complications, 

Oh, I've fallen down, so now,

They're out to get me, oh, 

I've failed this task, so now,

I am worthless, 

I am worthless, oh, 

I've made a mistake,

As most humans do, but now, 

I'm going to hell, as my father,

Has always said to me 

My father, 

Sent me to a place haunted by demons, 

By unfair expectations and disappointments, 

Of a place that is based on overwhelming authority-

Authority tells me to follow these rules,

But I have my own muse,

I don't want to be in a cage but I am,

This society has locked me up so I- 

Concoct this image of myself, 

I've replaced myself, 

With someone else 

You tell me it's okay, oh you say, 

I don't know real pain,

But real pain knows me, 

Real pain has locked me in a closet, 

With a knife and shaking hands 

I say I'm moving on and that I'm getting up, 

That I've learned from being locked up, 

For being sad, but how can you learn, 

That you're okay,

If they say you're not okay, 

So now this realization, 

I can try everyday, 

To cultivate my pre successes

And disintegrate my post worries. 

Even though I'm still broken 

And I've constructed a false notion 

Do you hear me, screaming these words,

From the pit of my deprived lungs?

I'm hurt, and I've barely healed, 

I have to hide and bide my time, 

And wait for the right moment 

Everyday is a torment, a slow torture 

I've been holding up an unlit torch in the dark-

And I hear the, the screams to light it-

But I have no matches- no lighter-

The screams keep growing so I-

Drop the torch and run.

I can't do this 

The darkness seeps into my body and I,

I have no control over these emotions

No one has control over emotions 

The unfairness is unfair, 

And I'm done.