Afraid to Love You

You smile, tilting your head ever so slightly

To look down into my eyes with those hazel orbs of yours

You laugh, sending shivers down my spine

And making me forget the sadness I felt

Wiping my pain with one touch of your fingers

And I’m afraid of you

Fear creeping up my spine,

Sending rampant signals through my brain

Silent cries I ignore, trying to lose myself

In the moment of your gaze

I am terrified,

That you might just be the one

After every guy I’ve fallen for,

You may be the one to piece me back together

To stroke my hair, and place my fingers

Inside the space of your calloused hands

My heart is gaurded, weaponized by caution

Barriers a mile thick, that seem to crumble when I’m around you

I can’t seem to think, and your hold is frustrating

I find myself mesmerized and confused

All at the same time

I don’t want to admit how I feel for you

For fear that my insecurities may be validated

That this is all a game for you,

That you will laugh as you prick every

Vein in my heart

But I’m learning to love,

Love myself before I chase after someone to complete me

To be independent, and focus on my talents

To embrace my quirks, rejoice in small successes

To find a reason to be loved

So that if you really mean the words you say

I will be the person you fell in love with

If the words are crafted lies, spun only to manipulate

I will not crumble, because I have already

Learned to love myself