After losing your child

My mind moves like a kaleidoscope, beautiful colors always moving, always changing....i can hide in between bright and dark colors and remain neutral.. or I fall on a dark color and I am hidden, even to myself.. stuck in empty spaces, lonely places..., in between colors..... constantly moving, searching for that perfect color you are in. Then I find you, but only for a moment, then again I lose you... I lose you but I know that you are still there somewhere lost within layers of other beautiful colors. I live for the moments of finding you, the moments of perfection.