Aftermath of Love

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My world has shattered,

Broken into a million little pieces.

It is impossible to put them back together.

Nothing will be the same again.

 

I see a younger version of myself,

So wide-eyed and innocent.

My sisters and I play with our dolls.

The biggest problem was me not getting the Barbie I wanted,

When things were so simple.

 

I hear the screen door creak open.

Father is home from work.

Mother does not acknowledge him.

We sit and wait for the yelling to start.

 

My eldest sister throws her Barbie and runs for her room.

My youngest sister, sits there in confusion and curiosity.

Why has my eldest sister run away?

I slide over to her and cover her ears.

 

While my siblings sleep I lie awake and listen.

My parents think everyone is asleep,

But they are wrong.

 

The yelling starts.

There is so much hurt, anger, and betray in their voices.

I feel as though I am in more pain then they are.

I get on my knees.

 

Why is it so hard for two people to get along?

Why are they doing this to their children?

Why are they being selfish?

Please let mom stop crying.

 

The sleepless nights continue.

I worry myself sick of what could happen.

Please let them both be safe.

 

I no longer care which Barbie I get.

I realize there are more important things.

 

I lay in bed,

Waiting for another night of insomnia.

This night feels different.

Intense.

 

I hear the words I have been dreading.

I cannot just lie here and pretend to sleep.

I open my door slowly and peer out.

My father is sitting in the rocking chair.

 

Slowly he rocks back and forth,

Staring into the night.

 

I slowly walk up to him with tears in my eyes.

He motions for me to come sit with him.

We sit there rocking slowly back and forth.

Nothing needing to be said.

 

Suddenly, the sobs break out.

I look up into his somber brown eyes.

There is so much pain.

I have never seen my father cry.

 

It takes everything in me not weep.

I know that I need to be strong for my daddy.

My hurting does not matter right now.

We sit there rocking and crying.

 

Mommy moved out.

She told us she was going back to school.

She said that she was coming back.

We knew the truth.

 

Dad buried himself in his work.

Sister avoided the house.

I needed to be there for

My young brother and sister.


 

There is no time for me to mourn.

I need to step up and be there.

Maybe someday she will come home

And they will fall back in love.

 

As I grew older,

I learned she is not coming home.

 

I visit my friends’ homes.

Their families are so perfect.

A mother and father, together and in love.

Envy, bitterness, and anger overflow in me.

 

I was forced to grow up too soon.

I was forced to put my feelings aside for my siblings.

I was forced to ignore the loneliness that I felt.

 

I have realized over time not to be angry with them.

They cannot help their feelings.

They did not realize what they have done to me.

 

My world has shattered,

Broken into a million little pieces.

It is impossible to put them back together.

Nothing will be the same again.

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