Again.

Open arms.

Waiting. 

A rush of adrenaline, 

A shiver of anticipation,

One. Two. Three.

My throat feels dry as I swallow hard.

Time seems to stand still. 

Fuzzy hands, fuzzy face.

The blinding pain like being crushed by a train.

My heart seemingly ripped from my chest.

But I feel at peace.

White glistening lights flicker into view,

Then vanish leaving my eyes like tar.

Ah, the sweet embrace of death,

Or so I thought.

My face still fuzzy and my throat dry.

"Mom? Where's Grandma?"

Hallucinations.

White sheets under me, metal bars beside me.

"Mom? Where am I?"

The doctor enters, his head low, and calls my mom to talk.

I am unaware.

She returns with tears, and I begin to understand- 

I failed. 

Again.