Alcohol

They tell me I don't need alcohol to have fun. They tell me it's ok to socialize and be happy before getting drunk, but I can't do that after you left. No I don't need alcohol to have fun, but I do need this chemical cocktail to look someone in the eyes, and twice as much to not see your eyes staring back at me. I need this sweet elixir to give me the energy to survive in a crowd when all I want is be swallowed and left alone. And more still in hopes of losing control, so that when I start to forget you I can't stop, when I start to feel your presence in my mind I make myself run the other way and when I start to cry on the inside I do need alcohol, to create a crack in my conscience so that the tears stay inside and I can still pass off on the outside as an average degenerate of society, an everyday alcoholic that absolutely needs alcohol to have fun. Even though on the inside I know they're right, I don't need alcohol to have fun. I just need you.