I loved him

I cried for him

I comforted him

when he told me he felt bad

 

because he cheated on me

 

I adored him

I cuddled him

I cried

when he told me it was my fault

 

because he was afraid I would leave

 

I trusted him

I worked for him

I loved him

and I loved him

 

And I came to the conclusion:

 

He isn’t evil

He’s human

and in so many ways

that’s so much worse

 

I left him

 

I became her

 

I screamed for her

I cried for her

I loved her

and I hated her

 

because she was in agony

 

I slept for her

I tried for her

I cut for her

and I bled for her

 

because she let him back in

 

I stood by her

I wept for her

I froze for her

in snow for her

 

I left with her

 

she became me

and I started over

with a different narrative

 

I am a Woman now

depleted and hopeless

moving through a world

that leaves me devote-less

 

rummaging for memories

I cannot recall

A brain that malfunctions

from the emotional fall

 

I am a Woman now

and despite how I suffer

I stand tall, and act strong

and show them all I’m tougher

 

the confidence flows through me

it floods my bruised veins

tainting it, painting it

with the nevermore pain

 

every arrhythmic beat

of my mutated heart

will acknowledge the hardship

that has torn my joints apart

 

I am a Woman now

and the story just gets longer

another illness of the mind

and genetic disorder to make it fonder

 

but I am a Woman now

I walk on broken legs

I crawl on broken mind

and every neuron begs

 

That I stop and retreat

and I hide and I keep

to myself and I stay quiet

so more harm I do not reap

 

but I am a Woman now

I have learned how to survive

and I cannot stop the voices

but I will not hear their lies

 

I am broken, I am strong

I am capable and I’m wrong

and if disabled is the term

then I’ve been that all along

 

and of the lessons that I’ve learned

I know to try and try again

I’m not alone, I can’t be shamed

a broken woman can still be maimed

 

it’s not my fault that I am bruised

that I was wrongfully accused

and now I know and I can say

that I was cheated and abused

 

I am a Woman now