All I wanted

I liked you 

You used me
Although I can’t understand why 
I try to
But it keeps coming back to the same thing
Me loving you 
You using me
As if I were a girl you can call at 3am to get what you wanted 
And I’ll admit 
I was that girl
On October 24 you took my virginity
You took the last piece of me I was saving for someone special
What’s the fucked up part is that you didn’t even text me back
So many years my mom told me that was something special 
And I gave it up for a 20minute quickie 
I am not a quickie
The funny thing is that I didn’t even orgasm 
I was trying to get you off so you can go home
I know fucked up right?
But.
Heres the kicker 
You didn’t even stay afterwards 
You didn’t hold me
And then
I found out you had a girlfriend

I never really loved you,

You see there was always a barrier between us
Always a locked door
Always a locked gate
It wasn’t the kind of love we imagined
It was the kind where you find yourself crying at three in the morning
The kind that made you have panic attacks
The kind that made you scream from the top of your lungs about how much you hate feelings
The kind where you sometimes don’t feel nothing at all
See the love that I wanted and that you wanted 
Were two completely different things 
Mine was emotional
Yours was sexual
My kind of love was kisses in the morning, breakfast in bed
Your kind of love was blow jobs in the morning, break-fast in bed
Love is such a funny thing
It could be used in so many ways
How you use it depends on what you feel
And baby if you were feeling that
Then I don’t want a part of that kind of “love”