All For You
There are no words I can put together that could justify you
I could say a thousand times that we have our good days, those happy moments
Those memories that spray a bit of perfume
Light a candle
I can fill the room and dampen the curtains with as much Febreze as I so desire
But the floors and furniture will still be littered with garbage and caked with dirt
Because you don’t know how to hold a broom
And I can’t scrape away the mud on my own
You won’t let me clean on my own
You yell at me and demand me to fix what you say I have caused
But you nail my hands and wrists to the walls like they are a cross
But this isn’t for the good of humanity like I learned Christ did while we sat in church pews
Christ taught about unconditional love and support
But yours comes with terms and conditions as long as iTunes’s
And as a kid I hit “Yes, I agree” immediately without reading them
Because I was desperate to just get to the music
Fast forward
I’m on the ground, kicking my feet and wishing I knew how to ask for help
And say how to help me
Falling because of you, but knowing you won’t pick me up kindly
Instead, I let my chest burn cold with the falling feeling
That makes me hands shake against the nails you hammered into them
Until I finally fell so low I hit the ground
And the sound of my bones breaking against the floor from the impact
Was finally enough to catch your attention
And you got mad
Because I had damaged your property
You dragged me by the ankles into a room with no doors or windows
I cannot breathe
The aches of my lungs press against my chest and I started getting tunnel vision
But I see no light at the end of it
I cannot sleep
You placed the promise of it on the table in front of me
But wagged your finger like a greedy puppy’s tail and told me
That I’m too young to be taking sleeping pills
You hold me away from myself
Telling me it’s for the best of me
Telling me I don’t have to keep hurting and that I can heal
But then you drive more into my head
You burn fear into my senses and promises of anger into my chest
Not with lighters, but with your eyes
Your words
One would think by the way you act that you had caught me taking drugs
Shooting up happiness in hopes of it lingering for a bit longer
But there are no traces in my bloodstream
You have made me afraid of going anywhere hear my own skin
Not for the good of myself anymore
I was doing that before you had forced my secrets out of me
Now I’m walking on eggshells and hanging on by my fingernails
Unable to hang on after being pushed so suddenly by you
But afraid of falling again and damaging your property
So I’ll keep doing what you want me to
Drowning the fumes of the garbage you pile around me with perfume
I’ll do it all for you