Almost

Last night I sat down 

And I almost began to write the letters. 

I’m not sure why, 

As I’ve never made even the slightest action 

On the plan 

That I’ve had since I was 17. 

Because the plan is just a plan. 

It’s not supposed to be carried out. 

I never thought 

There was any intention 

Behind knowing 

How I would end 

My own life. 

And it scared me, 

But I also felt calm. 

And that is even more scary 

Because that is what happens when you’ve 

Made up your mind. 

There was almost an

Excitement 

Or urgency 

To say goodbye. 

And I almost did. 

I almost began 

Writing the letters, 

But then I got a text 

To come watch a movie 

With a person who 

Almost 

Makes me feel okay.  

I have always said 

I will never go through with it,

That the plan will stay a plan. 

And I am almost sure 

It will. 

But last night I sat down 

And I almost took the next step

And today, 

I almost wish 

I did.