almost five

"why are you always on vacation?"

I read somewhere 
that toddlers ask two hundred and eighty eight questions per day. 

she asks me again,
"why do you always go on vacation?"
and I have to respond with,
"because I do not live here anymore. 
I'm on vacation with you, right now.
on this ferry."

because she is four
almost five
she has not yet understood
that Tulsa, Oklahoma is farther away than Grandma's House
farther away than Texas, where dad is from
farther away than that one time you took an airplane to your auntie's graduation in Denver.

because she is four
almost five
she has not yet understood
that vacation at my stage
is coming home to the IKEA couch at my parents house,
waking up at eight AM to the sound of her small laughter in the green room,
making chocolate chip pancakes and watching her eat three bites before she wants "something crunchy," 
spending the day throwing rocks at the beach and learning the word "ripple,"
being with someone, something, that you cannot live without. 

she is my niece. 
she is almost five.
and without her, I would not feel at home
when I am on vacation.