Alone

Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve

Society tells me to be with a girl

But I’m attracted to guys

Some say it’s all in my mind

That something inside me is wrong

I’m trying to be normal

Dating my best friend, a girl

I love her, but not like that

She’s more like my sister

How do I tell her my biggest secret?

Should I tell her?

My vision starts to blur

As my eyes fill with tears

She always told me she wanted a gay best friend

No longer pretending to be someone I’m not

Can’t second guess myself

I take that leap and tell her

Afraid of her reaction

We don’t talk anymore

Now I’m completely alone

Unloved and unlovable

Just a blob that sits around all day

Searching for a tiny glimpse of happiness

I retreat into my fantasy world

When I’m on the computer I can be anyone

Brave knight, male model, anyone but myself

Someone catches my interest

He is thirty-eight, twenty-two years older than me

But he understands

We talk all the time

I want him to be my significant other

Soon, he ignores me more and more

My heart is crushed

Another break-up

I will be alone forever

No one will love me

My best friend is back in my life

She is the only good thing now

Sometimes I think of ending it

But she always knows

Right before it happens, I hear from her

Just checking up on me

Making me happy; making me laugh

She helps me through it all

I’ve met a guy named Tim

He makes me feel loved

I love that feeling and now I’m not alone

But that’s all I like

He gives me the cold shoulder all the time

He gets mad at me daily and I don’t know why

I’m always apologizing because I want the fighting to end

I walk on eggshells when we talk

I want to end things

But he might get mad and break my heart

When he leaves I’ll be all alone forever

Hopefully someday I’ll move far away

So I can say goodbye

And find someone else