Alone

Alone Alone in my room And I need someone to talk to But I am alone There are few I could call on the phone But none who would come And hold me There are some I could text But half of those would want to transition to sexts Nobody knows this life I live Nobody knows my need to scream These 4 walls hold the emotions and the pains That have never been told in any story Or seen on any big screen These posters hold my words And these pillows hold my tears And the cracks and crevices in the paint Hold all of my childhood years Yet in this room Reminiscent of everything I am I am still alone Without a woman or a man To call on To reach out to My mom is in the other room But she’s asleep As she’s been for the past few days Her room for her is a locked door that never had a key She loves me But she also loves whiskey Actually gin We both drown in sin As we swim In a pool that is a 2 bedroom apartment I cry at night And she does not know I wake up in the morning for school And wash my face 3 times Just to make sure the tear marks don’t show I walk down the hallway with a smile on my face Hoping that when 3:47 hits and “hangout” hours commence No one wants to come to my place Because my home holds my demons My secrets My pleasures My fears My worries My sorrows My treasures My room holds everything there is to know about me And inside of that room to my soul there is a key Hidden in the bookshelf Smashed amongst childhood authors Writings of Peter Rabbit and Owl Chasing the Moon There is a monsoon Of words Violently ripping through that room These blue lines hold every ounce of doom I hid to smile in front of you And you And you These blue lines were my road to walk on when I was misguided These blue lines did more than any math problem when my worlds were divided These blue lines were my stop signs when my morals collided With my need to get back at my mother for drinking And me for sinking And my father for shrinking into a faintless nothing in the story of my life These blue lines were the reason to my rhyme And the reason for my time Spent alone Feeling less than while wanting more Crying on my bedroom floor Furiously scribbling notes that would sing a song That no other human being has heard before A ravenous gentle sweet angry resentful mean loving caring story That was written in and out of rhyme As I spent my time Alone in my room Allowing the verses of my poems to engulf me Like a fetus in its mothers womb