Alone Again

A 20-foot wave of brick 

and slate 

and the deepest darkest corners of the depths which many refer to as emptiness comes crashing down on me in an instant,

 then another, then another, 

with every blow I tell myself I become more numb yet the pain stings just as viciously. 

Pulling me down into the pits of the ocean of isolation, everywhere only darkness and deepness and the void where light should be,

 my breath unreachable and long sunken deep into my chest. 

Lifeless. 

Empty. 

Alone. 

Faceless. 

Am I plagued to forever return to my first and likely friend, loneliness? 

Despite my clawing and rage and chest of fire, burning with fear and stoking pride, despite my ages of running and hiding and shooting aimlessly at loneliness, my most intimate compatriot, I can never completely escape it’s frosted grasp. 

Though I try I can manifest no other underlying song than one of anger and emptiness and the seething smoothed pit of being oh so trapped and alone. 

Loneliness is a grinning curse who loves to revel in irony. 

Who survives to fool you and tease you and relent when you finally fall for it’s rouse. Loneliness lives in the sea, tempting the shore again and again and again and again never ceasing, never staying, and never staying away. The shore longs for closure, for dependency, for more than just mercurial impermanence. 

The only reliable thing it has come to know is the instability of it’s fleeting companion. 

The talons of loneliness leave the scar of a vampiric bite. 

They leave you hollow and forever shifted, forever slightly more hateful than you were before, 

constantly seeking out fulfillment, 

sustenance,

 wholeness, 

an intangible feeling that can never return and plages the timeless days spent grasping and lunging and failing.

 Loneliness is a guttural scream deep in the heart of the woods where not a soul can hear. 

Wrap at the windows and break your knuckles clawing through the glass, 

but no one will see, 

and no one will stay. 

The cold hand of loneliness rested firmly upon your shoulder will ensure that, 

and ensure that you can never survive away from it.