always

dear my old love,

i felt the dam break

i felt it shatter like my expectations

in the crevice behind my eyes

and i waited for the gushing

and my god it came

tsunami tides at red lights

on a tuesday afternoon

this time i drove home alone

because he is kind and selfless

and a little strange like me

you were deep echoing shockwaves

all that left me in awe

but i am at peace in my skin now

the fingerprints have faded away

we smile for hours on end

while time becomes a distant facade

but one night i danced to his music

and i sensed a taste on my tongue

of a mouth that doesn’t know mine

one where the puzzle doesn’t line up

when i sit at starbucks nowadays

i don’t lay in my car

i wait at the table outside

playing with my keys and humming

and when he comes and sits down

he asks what song i’m thinking of

and for a flash i can see your laugh

the district sleeps alone tonight

my mother gives me advice often

she misses your footsteps more than i

when i try brushing off the remnants of you

she says, yo no se mañana

i’m not sure if your mind is at peace

maybe you’ve pushed on more than me

and maybe you’re fairly comfortable in

your new twin sized bed

but as i scrape the turf from my socks

and see her eyes over your drum

i feel a song i thought i’d forgotten

i feel you here

there is a gap in my drawer

there is a lag in my playlists

there goes a lapse in my conscious

and it collapses in a rush

suddenly i’m in my car

screaming and trembling at the wheel

the traffic lights blurring together

like a deadly mess, like me

because i stood atop my podium

as your gaze faced the field

i wore no cherry blossom ring

and you left without a goodbye.

always,