Always In Fear of Dying Syndrome

“Is it only the flu?” “Will I be well soon?” “Is this a brutal killer?” “Will it destroy me from the inside out?” Counting the days you have left Until you fall asleep for good Wishing the painful days Would stop crawling by in spite Hoping life will give you a break From the sickness that clings to your veins “How could he do this to me?” “Why wasn’t I warned?” “Which needle pierced me with this fate?” “Should my mother be the one to blame?” An infection of the soul It makes your emotions ill An infection of the heart It leaves you reluctant to trust The infection whispers in your ear “You won’t live to see tomorrow.” Are you truly alone? Or are there angels holding you close? Do these angels live on the other side? Or do they dwell in your thoughts? Disease… A toxic significant other Cancer… A pestering, nearby relative Death… A belittling older brother Crying for a second chance As you lay in a hospital bed The tubes caress your skin As friends gaze with flooding eyes Love… “Am I allowed this luxury?” Hope… “Is there a point to this theory?” Faith… “Do I deserve to have any?” “Will I forever be afflicted with… Always-in-fear-of-dying syndrome?”