Always Happy?

I was always the happy one

There would be the year I just faked it all,

11th grade year was that year, for me

The year where I realized I was done--

I was coming back from my left knee being shattered,

I came back faster the all of the others,

but I still wasn't good enough for the coach,

I sat on the bench and cheering for my team!

When I went into the JV games, 

I came out the one who made shots,

I was asked so many times,

Why aren't you on the varsity team?

I was always answering the question,

and I'd answer:

I have no clue.

Ask the coach.

I cried and my grades dropped.

But I always kept a smile--

Just for my little sisters to see when I grew up.

I faked it for all of those people that was watching me.

I grew tired and didn't care,

I had stopped trying and pushing myself to get better,

I told everyone, nothing.

No one knew a thing, except my mother who saw me giving up.

I got asked one day if I wanted to move for my senior year,

I said yes because I was miserable.

I had just had a panic attack in the bathroom,

just because I never cried.

I got told to get out of the bathroom and come practice.

I didn't and I just sat down,

I wanted to give up right there,

But my Mama didn't raise no quiter.

I stuck through it till the last game.

I smiled through it all.

I cheered with every basket,

knowing that we would lose...Again.

I quit and laid my final jersey down

Number 30 that I would never see again.

I quit and my grades rose,

I became slightly happier.

I moved and contacted the coach for the new school,

I got on a new team,

my confidence has risen.

But never back to where it use to be.

I miss my friends. I really do.

But I cut all the toxic people out.

Thank you Coach for making the worst year of my life,

Have fun losing this year, while I am happy playing here.