Always with Me

Pardon Me,

I've never quite met you, nor do I want to.

You take your time to hurt me, but yet you don't even know me.

You leave scars on my heart and you burden my memories to the point of exhaustion.

For you to do this, you certainly find a sick, twisted pleasure.

For one does not do something so regularly that doesn't satisfy them in some way.

Uninvited, unexpectedly, you come, and lay waste of time.

Every occurence with you, you're wearing something new, yet leave with a familiar teeth grinning smile.

As you stand there with satisfaction, you become a blur, as glistening tears swell up in my eyes.

My heart starts to tremble,

you let out a sinistered snicker.

in spite of you, I live in a cement cell,

only im the one padlocking others out.

No matter my efforts, you always get in,

you seep through the cracks, and gracefully walk through my walls.

For you not trying to pick the lock tells me one thing, your selfish.

You're so selfish that you don't want to take the chance for someone else to get in, to do your job for you,

because of the adrenaline it gives you.

Your so stingy with the feeling it gives you.

god forbid someone takes your amusement from you.

For your information, I've finally come to realize one thing.

The pleasure is mine. Jokes on you!

You've played a big part in the person I am today, and a thousand letters can’t express how grateful I am

for those short, hurtful, unexpected visits from you.

I have the motivation to change the path you graciously lead me down.

So from now on,

I'm prancing towards the pink sands of Harbor Island!

and you’re invited to lay waste if you want.

Though when you confidently stand there, in hopes for me to give way

my heart won’t tremble, as I'm standing firmly on my own two feet

I will become a blur to you.

honestly, why would i be hurt from your perspective and opinion of my life?

When in the end my opinion is all that affects which path I take and where I’m going.

And yours is irrelevant.

Thank you Pain, for all that you have done for me.

Love,

Ashlynn R. Leon.