Ampersand

i remember

i sat there, in my cold seat along the last row

you were there, a building and a world away

the thought of you suddenly plagued my mind

i knew i just had to write something about you

remind myself that you were still beautiful

because you seemed so unreal

when i first saw you, 

i knew you were the one

you lived, you breathed

you were real and you would be such

until the fictitious day you 'knew' me

part of knowing you were the one, was illustrasting you

in all my favorite colors because you were not black and white

your face was the universe

that i could hold in my palms

your smile was a galaxy

and all it's stars, barely a lightyear away

your eyes was a portal

to another world where

i never filled my cracks and crevices with even more emptiness

i drew you

with variations of my favorite things

because you shed new light on what i stopped loving

the limp and disinterested river that i drowned myself in 

was wine now and my god, i should have known

that i'd be as bittersweet and resentful

as your world, now filled with me

you are the horsemen of pestilence,

uncertainty and curiosity

a time came when i told you things and in turn,

you gave me hearts, words reactions when i, in my fear, did not expect answers

but you just looked at me

not lovingly

no emotion

you looked into my vulnerable facade

and gladly let it linger

i suppose our series

was cut short by reality

conciousness even

but how dare the author end this torn fairytale

with a dreaded, empty ampersand