and i choke

my heart is upside down

the blood gushes from my lips

i cannot hear you over the noise

as i try to convert your words of comfort

into quilts and pillows and thick socks

because if i wrapped myself in the syllables

id be more comfortable than id ever been before

i dont hear the sounds

your voice is a mist of softness over my body

i wish i could float in the warm darkness

the sound of your voice wrapping around me

curling under my arms and around my thighs

because when you’re talking and you know i cant listen

that is the time that i feel the most comforted

and the time i feel the most unsettled

because the words you say

when you think i dont listen

are the most honest

the most painful

and the most beautiful words

that i have ever heard

your voice is the finest music

your vocal chords are really strings

you pluck the words out and place them in my palm

and when i cry

you run your bow over them

and you sing me a tune

a painful, broken thing

it comes deep from your chest

you keep those secrets wrapped in bones and muscle

and you only let me see them

because they are dark

and they are horrible

and they are repulsive

but you give them to me

gift wrapped in your ligaments

because you know i can handle horriblerepulsivedark

because you can handle it when i give it to you

when i slip those words into your pocket

you wait until you are somewhere as dark as the void in my chest

and you open them, slowly

because you know they’re breakable

and they float in the air

shivering slightly like thin glass

you hear them screaming

and you put them away

then you bury them in the backyard

hoe, shovel, dirt and grass

and sometimes i try to dig them up

and you tell me

“no,

you don’t need those anymore

you can survive with them

and you know you can

because youve come this far

come inside

dont dirty your hands

dont soil your knees

dont ruin this night

come back inside

sit beside the fire and warm your blue feet

you dont need these anymore”

and i listen

and i come inside

and i let you hold me

by the fire and by the logs

they burn, slowly

and i think of what it was like

before

when i held all of that glass inside my chest

and i let it tear me open

and you came with your needle and black thread

and you fixed me

you turned my heart into something i didnt have to choke on