and it keeps me up at night

It keeps me up at night .. 

 

Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years ? They ask me that and I don't have a real answer. I say typical things like " oh in college falling in love " or " oh working hard in NewYork "  

Truth is I have no idea 

I don't know and I really wish they'd stop asking 

I'm at the point in life where everything is going way to fast and I can't stop it. 

I'm at the point in life where stress is like my new best friend and faking confidence is my  soul mate. 

I'm at the point in life where I feel like it's all good long as I don't think about it. 

... and it keeps me up at night. 

What will you be in life  ? How will you get there ? And where will you go from there ?  I say " oh I'll be a millionaire, I'll work hard to get there , and it only goes up from there !" 

I say with such confidence but in my head I'm screaming I HAVE NO IDEA AND IM SCARED " 

I really wish they'd stop asking 

'Cause what they don't understand is , I feel like I'm on fire with this ice cold bottle of water in my hands. 

....and it keeps me up at night

Sometimes I cry about it. Sometimes I scream about it, but I realize that crying and screaming just won't work and I have to face this head on. I have to work through this denial. 

I can't scream .. 

I can't cry ...

I have to handle it like an adult. I have to handle it like a big girl. 

I'm so afraid of who'll I'll be that I stay away from being myself .. 

I'm so afraid they'll judge me if I don't succeed ...

I'm so afraid that if I even stumble on this road that they'll abandon me ...

I'm so afraid that I won't be all they expect of me ....

I don't know where I'm going, I'm terrified of who I'm becoming and it keeps me up at night.