Answering the Pain to Love Myself

When I was in 2nd grade I asked my mom can you change my last name to yours?

Her answer: no,  your grandfather is chief.  you’re the oldest american grandchild, you have land over there and I have a slave name why would you want it

When I was growing up I spoke fluent spanish. I came home one day after getting bullied and swore to never speak a word again because I was told i couldnt be puerto rican

When I would hang out with my friends they wanted to take pictures my thought: dont dress up you cant compete; your hair and skin are too black...no one wants you anyway

When I was in 5th grade a dominican held my head while another burned my scalp to get the curls out

This is my response to that

I'm sorry to the black men who are slain in the streets because they said the only thing your broad shoulders, wide nose, and chocolate skin were only meant for hustling.

Sorry you're told the only way out is to play ball or sell drugs because they decided the money wouldn't go to your school, public library, or out of school programs to offer the class or book that would have touched your heart and opened your mind just enough to realize your purpose.

Sorry for when you tried to rise above everyone asked why you couldn't just play ball ignoring the genius that is right under the surface but with every comment it gets swallowed deeper

I'm sorry to the black girls told they should stay inside during the summer because they'll get too dark because they realized you glow on your own.

Sorry for going to the hair salon and asking for a relaxer  because another friend told “you would look so pretty if you straighten your hair” because they’ve determined your natural born kinks were too unruly when really they had a personality of their own and they didn’t like it.

Sorry for them edges that can't grow because instead of rocking your fro you wearing a tight puff because youve been made to feel guilty for exposing your inherent beauty.

Sorry for feeling second class when looking for hair products you need in big brand stores because they realized it wasn't for them and hid it in the ethnic section  

Sorry for having to hold your tongue because they’ve disguised your black girl magic as hostility and attitude and told you it is too much.

But thank you black people for realizing that my life education and blackness matter

Thank you for giving me role models that look like me and share the same experiences as me so when I read or hear about them they tell me I AM GOOD ENOUGH!!!!!