Anxiety Pt. 3

Consuming me. Every part of who I am, becomes who I was. I am no longer a soul filled with joy and light, but a body, a life lost, forever wandering in an acrimonious shade, with sadness in my heart. I am lost in a world, much different than my first. Here, my demons have returned to play their games with me. They are stronger than ever before. On my left, screaming slurs, insulting my very being. On my right, whispering my wrongdoings. Stabbing me in my back, pounding in my head, hanging on my shoulders, burning in my eyes. Run. Run fast. Run away. Flee from them. But no. The are even faster yet. I have rid myself of you once, twice, three times too many before. Yet, each time you meet me again, you have new tricks to show, new insults to scream, a new animosity to bring upon my being. Spit in my face. Tell me I am not a life worth living. Hang on my shoulders and weigh me down. Tell me I am not enough. Tell me I do not deserve the joy, the love that is my saving grace. Tell me I am not worthy of feeling warm. I will not sacrifice who I am to become someone less deserving of peace. I will not pollute, disturb my heart space with this dead weight that tears me down. You have taken over my life. You have stopped me from pursuing my loves. You have torn me down and built up from the shambles a broken woman who lives in a constant fear of what she will do, what she cannot do, what she will never do, solely because of you. You are too close for my comfort and you have grown ever more so since we first met when I was merely seventeen. I cannot take it anymore. I want to live my life. I want to experience an everlasting joy that you have hidden from me. I am a young lady. Ambitious. Extraordinary. Beautiful. I am a life worth living. I am so much stronger than you will ever be. I am a light in the darkness you have brought upon my life. Every part of who I am, will be beautiful in every single way. I am someone worthy of love. I am good enough. I am a masterpiece that has yet to be finished. I am wonderfully made. I will no longer let you live the life I was meant to live. You will no longer play God. You will not have any power to make me feel so small. My dreams, my ambitions, my loves, all taking flight. We are setting sail on an adventure. These may sound as cliches. But, I have a future worth investing in. One that will change my life. You are not invited. I bid you a long deserved farewell and goodbye, my anxiety.