anxious

at 4 am

my heart races,

im taking deep breathes. 

i cant swallow

my mouth is dry.

what is this feeling?

why does it make me weak?

why is my head pounding?

and why am i crying?

not for help, 

but because my brain is banging against my skull,

yelling "LET ME OUT"

but you have to stay in,

keep yourself hidden. 

i cant let you out.

you have to stay or i wont see another day. 

or maybe that other day isnt another day.

i should just let you out. 

put a barrel to my head and let you burst out the other end.

- j. p.