anxious

a new relationship is supposed to make you happy

a new relationship is supposed to be the start of something wonderful 

a new relationship is supposed to be exciting

but that doesn’t last forever 

nothing lasts forever 

what once was happiness is now sadness

what once was wonderful is now mundane 

what once was exciting is now stressful 

you think to yourself 

“what changed?”

“do they still love me?”

“what am i doing wrong?”

“am i the problem?”

from nonstop texting to barely squeezing out a conversation 

and from nonstop calling to not calling since thursday late at night when i stayed up just for them

anxiousness is the only word that comes to mind

anxious for the future of our relationship 

anxious for what’s to come 

anxious because i want change, no i NEED change

anxious because these thoughts in my head are making me believe something that isn’t true 

it’s a cruel and viscous cycle 

but i stay hopeful 

hopeful that what is now sadness turns into happiness 

hopeful that what is now mundane turns into wonder 

hopeful that what is now stressful turns into excitement 

hopefully that spark is re-lit 

but for now

i am anxious