Anything was Everything

She makes promises her sense of security.

She never figured out how to grasp any other base of protection.

She knows asking for promises sounds childish and annoying,

What they don’t know is that it’s her assurance of their presence.

She don’t get close to many people.

The few that she does is her whole world.

Her heart breaks when they leave her.

When they just go.

Even if it’s just for a while.

It’s even worse when they tell her that they just need time.

It leaves her crying, screaming, begging, asking,

“I promise whatever it was I won’t do it again.

Tell me what I did.

I promise I’ll change.

I promise.

Please, I don’t want to lose you.

Don’t go.”

No matter how many times they leave her;

The  times they come back she’s so happy to see them,

That the memory of them leaving a scar gets pushed under

The awareness of the irrationality of her fear to speak the words “I love you”

Is tattooed to the brain.

It’s a good possibility as to the fear being a factor that makes them go.

But it’s unchangeable no matter how hard she tries.

How is those words expected to spew from her mouth

When everytime they have, she meant it with everything

But the one on the  receiving end

Allowed the words to slip through their hands like grains of sand

As if they were nothing, but meaningless.

You were the only person she had.

You were the life vest that rescued her from drowning.

But you don’t realize that, do you?

She always comes to you when there’s a problem,

Or when she might just feel lonely, like there’s no one and nothing around.

She trusts you enough to come to you for help.

Even though you never realized you were even helping.

When it seemed everyone was against her,

When the pillow was the only thing around to catch her tears,

As she laid sleepless through another night,

Which seemed more and more like everyday.

She knew you was there.

Losing you was one of the biggest fears.

Imaginary scenarios replayed in her mind.

Scenarios where you just left, and didn’t come back.

Just like all the others.

After a while, she convinced herself that it wasn’t going to happen.

Which broke her when it did.

I know she pushed you, and pushed you

Until you couldn’t go any further.

She didn’t mean to.

Her instincts was to subconsciously ruin every good thing there was

Because it would be gone sooner or later anyways.

That’s what she was used to.

The day you left, she went with you.

One day you were there.

The next day she was gone.