Apologies, My Friend

Dear Jarrod,

I don’t know if I hurt you

I might never know. But still… I am sorry.

Sorry that I lost a friendship so precious, so pure.

That I couldn’t have been better, clearer, less confusing

That I let my thoughts become my enemies, over analyzing everything

That I forgot how to connect with you. I’m sorry that I was-

No- AM selfish… I’m still learning.

I’m sorry that I hurt you

That I hurt myself-

Yes, myself

I’ll take the blame for that, because I couldn’t ever bring myself to blame you… Not truly.

I want you to know…

To know that I don’t hate you

No matter how much I hurt, how abandoned I felt,

I know you never wanted to hurt me. I want you to know…

I have healed. And honestly, I am better for having hurt.

I wouldn’t change what happened for the world

It taught me so much about life

I am learning

Thank you.

For the years of friendship,

For being so kind, for listening to me

For putting up with my shit. Thank you for the laughter

The joy, the way we would chat as we ambled through the grass

Our conversation as lazy and directionless as our feet

And most especially… Thank you for not pushing me

To do something I wasn’t ready for

I needed that

Finally,

I wish you well

I hope you find someone

That loves you more than I ever could

That treasures you

Like I could not

Sincerely,

Sarah