An Apology I Never Received

Hey can i talk to you?

Before I say anything, I want you to know that I don’t need a response.

It might seem egocentric but what I am about to say is meant to help me,not you.

I know that you don’t care but please listen, don’t say anything.

I don’t hate you.

I admit you caused for me to experience terrible feelings that I have never experienced before.

Something really close to hatred.

You dragged me to the lowest point of my life. You filled my life with rage and darkness.

Somewhere where I never want to be again.

You even changed my perspective toward humanity.

I was convinced that no matter how terrible someone was,they still had some good in them.

Then you came along and proved me wrong.

For a long time I have stopped seeing you as human,

It sounds dramatic and childish, I know; it may be.

That is why I want to move on.

I want to have a positive perspective on life,but my negative feelings toward you don’t let me.

I asked myself,

“Was it funny to have me cry in front of you?” Maybe.

“Was I a joke to you?” Maybe.

The question I asked myself the most was, “What did I do to you that made you want to hurt me?” I simply don’t know.

I am not able to choose whether I hurt you or not.That is up to you to decide. If I did, I apologize.

Even though, You knew you hurt me and only blamed it on me and never apologized.I apologize.

I apologize because I know what it is like to hope for an apology and never receive it.

I know you don’t care. I know you think it’s pathetic that I am still not over it.

I have now decided to take away the power that I gave you.

I just had to say all of this because I refuse to believe that people are only selfish and evil.

If they are, then I don’t want to be like them.

I want to be certain again that there is good in everyone. Even thought you were cruel toward me, I want to believe that there is some good in you even if it’s never toward me.

To be honest, I am over it. I want my peace back.

I am getting rid of all of this anger.

Don’t say anything! I don’t want to hear you.

Regardless of all the pain you made me go through, I don’t wish bad upon you.

I simply don’t wish anything upon you. If you do well, then good for you.

I am just done with this. I am tired.

You might think i'm only apologizing to you but I am actually apologizing to myself.

I am doing this for myself because for once, I want to be selfish.

Goodbye.