April 30th, 2006

I remember you holding me high above your head

Showing me the world from a new perspective

At five, I felt so tall.

And I remember how you told me 

About how you saved lives 

Fighting fires in your hometown like a hero

I yearned to be just half as amazing as you were. 

I remember how we would watch your Cubs play

And how you would implore me to keep my eye on the ball.

I remember you watching me come home from school every day

And I remember how you helped me to grow up

When I got my first "A"

You took me to Chicago Dog

And we celebrated with cookies and chili

And everything was right.

The first time I got bullied

You were there to comfort me 

and remind me that I was strong and brave, and that

Nothing could get in my way.

Do you remember?

No, you don't. 

Because you never made it past five. 

You left me before death was even a word in my vocabulary.

I said that I loved you one day

Before I left for preschool

And you said it right back to me. 

I expected the same when I came back

But I was sorely mistaken. 

It didn't make any sense to me why grandma had picked me up

Her eyes swollen and bloodshot from the tears

That started when I had left

And hadn't stopped since. 

To this day, I will never understand why

You left me at a point where I was vulnerable.

And to this day, I am still beyond hurt

Even though something inside me told me that it wasn't your choice. 

But just beacuse you have left

Does not mean that I feel small once more

Because your words are still with me.

And even though I don't say it anymore

I miss you

Today and everyday.